posting by color scheme. I mean, do my followers even realize I do this? I don’t even know why I do it… Haha, well I do. I like for my blog to be aesthetically pleasing. Buuut, color-coordinating is a lot of work. Kinda sucks the fun out of blogging. I think I’mma have to let go of my little OCD tendency…
Even though a growing number of people seem to think that things can be private on the internet nowadays, I still don’t. To me, once you send it out there into the world wide web, even if you take it down later, it’s out there forever. And I’d rather keep
some of the slightly embarrassing thoughts/confessions I’ve been having lately to myself… or within the confines of a notebook which the entire world doesn’t have access to. And I just haven’t felt like watering down my recent journal entries into text posts that are “internet appropriate.”
So there’s the explanation of my relative absence, in case anyone was wondering.
1. I will be done with high school.
2. I will be done with AP exams.
3. Prom will be less than 2 days away.
4. Graduation will be in a few weeks.
5. I will be done with high school.
6. I will be done with high school.
7. Oh, did I mention? I WILL BE DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!
Clearly, it’s just starting to sink in…
Who else is ready for this school year to end? (Whether you’re graduating or not, ‘cause I know we all want that summer vacation…)
So I figured since I’ve spammed my twitter/fb with the news, I’d update my tumblr as well:
I’m officially a Princeton tiger ♥ …and I could write a book about how excited/anxious I am, but I’ll refrain (for now.)
Freshman year I liked this guy. The other day I passed him in the hallway after not having seen him for months; he’s not in any of my classes anymore. And tonight I briefly thought about him.
I’m glad he turned me down. I’m glad he rejected me. I really am. Through my inconsistent acquaintance with him, I’ve realized that he is boring, fickle, and immature. He’s only mildly intelligent and unsurprisingly, follows the crowd. He’s one of those people that only says “hello” when it’s convenient or necessary for him to do so. (i.e. when he needed to ask for my help with homework or something) And in that way, he’s insincere.
I’m above that. I have enough sense of my own worth now to know that he could not, then or now, offer me what I want in a relationship. Because he was cute, I assigned to him a persona that he simply did not possess - in any way, shape or form. (How many times do we do this - to people in general - without realizing?) I remember daydreaming about him suggesting obscure songs to me and holding my hand. I assumed he had this side to him that I just wasn’t able to perceive at the moment. I was wrong.
Isn’t it liberating when you finally, fully and completely realize that after thinking you missed out on something, that you didn’t after all? That in fact, the outcome which you loathed and wished away for so long was actually the best thing that could have happened?
You know, in case you were all wondering…
- Visited Howard through their Weekend at the Mecca program for scholars.
- Met a bunch of intelligent, attractive, interesting, funny black people. It was so refreshing/enlightening. Can’t even describe it properly.
- One said black person said I was funny.
- We all bonded over r&b artists and soul food.
- Saw all the D.C. landmarks I’ve never gotten to see in person.
- Saw this amazing play with amazing black actors and was…well, amazed.
- Learned a bunch of Howard/black people lingo.
- Sat in on a couple college classes and got hyped for college.
- Kinda sorta fell in love with Howard.
- Got straight A’s for third marking period.
- Played my best round of golf yet and had the lowest score on my team.
- Got into Princeton and Columbia.
- No, let me reiterate. I GOT INTO PRINCETON AND COLUMBIA.
- Sat around trying to figure out how I got into said ivies.
- Gave up.
- Creeped through the welcome websites/fb pages for said ivies.
- Managed to contain a near-exploding level of excitement relating to the fact that I got into said ivies. And that I got accepted to all the schools I applied to. Period.
- Was genuinely happy.
I feel discouraged. And it’s not because I got a bad grade or my “friend” said something mean to me or something generally unimportant like that. But this may be unimportant, too - depending on how you look at it.
I feel discouraged because I feel powerless. I’m the kind of person that likes to know my actions will produce a specific result. How can I be assured of this when the things I’m concerned with are human rights issues? How can I be assured that writing a letter or calling a higher-up will produce some sort of resolution. I can’t.
Last week, I posted about KONY 2012. While I stand by most of what I said in that post, I concede that the campaign has it’s flaws. Still, however simplified the documentary is, however “white savior” like IC may be, it has opened people’s eyes around the globe. But that was a week ago. Now that people know, what can we do? I’ve been thinking about writing to politicians a lot this past week. I haven’t done it.
Here’s why: I don’t know what I would say. And furthermore, I don’t know why I would be saying it. Now if you’re going to come at me with some bs like: “You think they’re actually going to pay that much attention to your letter? Just write something to contribute to the pile.” Um, no. I believe in the power of strong, purposeful communication.
Here’s my issue: Kony is no longer in Uganda. Kony/the LRA are now minimally active in DR Congo, Sudan and the Central African Republic of Congo. So why should I write a letter to my officials telling them to keep American troops/increase their presence in Uganda? Those troops really need to be in the affected areas if they want to actually have a shot at capturing Kony. The UPDF doesn’t have the authority to cross the Ugandan borders so this is not a Ugandan problem anymore. I get it; most Ugandans just want to move the hell on with their lives now. And you know what, we should respect that.
But getting the governments of the affected countries to allow the U.S. military into their territory spells trouble to me. DR Congo, CAR and Sudan all have unstable, corrupt governments. Getting the leaders of these countries to consent to something like U.S. intervention doesn’t seem likely to me. So what am I supposed to say in my letter? Hey, could you organize some conferences with those leaders and get them to let the U.S. military in so they can find Kony? Perhaps this is already been/being attempted. (If it has, feel free to link me to the source.)
Now the Trayvon Martin case. Thinking about this case just makes me want to cry. And I have been on the verge of tears after researching it in more detail. I’m shocked by the ridiculousness of the crime, the Florida law and the police response, even though I shouldn’t be. And I’m disheartened, of course. What really gets to me about this case is that I could have known him. It’s been the cliche floating around in quite a few blog posts and comments, but that could have been my cousin, my friend or my brother, if I had one.
But again, I feel lost as to what to do. I talked to my grandfather about it last night. Now, this is a man that grew up in the Jim Crow south. I expected him to be livid. Looking back, I don’t know why I did. He smiled at my zealousness, at my outrage and said, “Don’t be discouraged if justice isn’t done the way it should be. This country has a history of that.”
But I’m mad. I’m mad that my grandfather, after crying on the night that President Obama was elected, knows that wasn’t the end of racism. I’m mad that there will never be an end to racism. But I am even more mad at the fact that we haven’t come to a point in this country where justice is served in spite of it. And I’m mad that people are ignoring this problem. I’m mad and I don’t know how to convert this anger into a productive course of action.
Lastly, there’s the situation in Syria. I watched a documentary on CNN the other day which gave some journalistic insight. I’ve never respected journalists more in my life. Arwa Damon, who was the “star” of the documentary, so to speak, said that this is why she gets up and does her job everyday, to expose injustice in the world and incite the public to stop it.
But how do you stop it, Arwa? How? The Syrian government is killing their people and there is nothing I can do about it. Again, I could write to my officials. But again, what should I say? “Make Bashar Al-Assad step down and stop attacking his own civilians. Make it stop.” The guy will barely let humanitarian groups in to provide relief.
It’s just not that easy.
I don’t want people half way around to world to be killed senselessly NOR do I want people to be killed senselessly in my country, either. I feel like it’s time for some more justice in this world. I just wish I knew how to help make it happen. And I wish more people would be concerned enough to want to know, as well.
I’m looking forward to finally hearing back from the rest of my colleges, but at the same time, I’m not.
Today, this brainiac kid I know got rejected from MIT. And when I heard that, I said “None of us should feel bad about getting rejected from these Ivy league/ top tier schools. It doesn’t make us less. We’re still us.”
But that’s bs.
These past few months I’ve been telling myself I don’t care, whatever will be will be, etc.
But that was bs.
Last week, my Dad said that Columbia and Princeton were long shots. After months of saying they weren’t in order to encourage in me in some way, he admitted it.
So he knows it was bs.
Now that the responses are looming on the horizon, I just want to stay in my ignorant little bubble of nonchalance. I don’t want to read a rejection letter. I don’t want to cry about getting rejected. I don’t want to feel like I’m inferior or inadequate.
Moreover, I don’t want to choose which college I want to attend this fall. It’s all about the money in the end, and I don’t want to end up somewhere I don’t want to be just because I got a full ride. But on the other hand, I don’t want to be thousands of dollars in debt before I even graduate. So, getting accepted into Columbia and/or Princeton, however dreamy that may be, would solve my financial issues, too.
This has been a depressing post. But I needed to rant a little.
I hope I can look back on this post in a few days (or weeks) and laugh… or cry tears of joy, whichever fits the moment. I really hope I can.
I’ll admit, I was immediately swept away by the film and immediately 100% for the cause. And I still am. As far as the organization goes, Invisible Children, I’m still doing research on them. But, from what I’ve seen so far, I don’t see any glaring reason to believe they’re not a legitimate organization. And the problems that I do see, they’ve addressed them pretty well.
Now, to respond to some of the general criticisms I’ve seen floating around the internet:
“Just because you watched a video you’re an activist now?”
Easily the most ridiculous criticism I’ve seen. My immediate reaction to this is: would you rather people remain in the dark, living their blissfully ignorant first-world lives? Why is it such a problem that people are getting excited about making a difference? Think about it. Did Martin Luther King pop out of the womb as an activist? Was Mother Theresa born a saint? No, so just stop. People have to become aware of the issues in order to begin addressing them. And even if the vast majority of people will never lead a movement or become a saint, they can still make a difference, however small. (Corny, but’s true.)
“They’re blowing this out of proportion. The LRA hasn’t been active in Uganda for years and they’ve killed less people recently in the countries they’ve been active in.”
Oh yeah, it’s no big deal. Thousands of children abducted? Thousands more killed? Hundreds of thousands of people dislocated? Eh, no biggie. Really? What about the thousands of people who have been affected? And even if Ugandans are concerned with other issues at present, I don’t see why they wouldn’t want to see the man who’d ravaged their homeland for years prior walk away scotch-free. Where’s the justice in that? I agree with IC 100% in saying that if Kony is captured and put on trial, that sends a huge message to everyone else on ICC’s list.
“What about *insert some other social issue that this person thinks is more important, most likely because it primarily affects the U.S. here*? What are we doing about that, huh? Isn’t that more important right now?”
Here’s an idea: Why don’t you do something about that? Why don’t you start a movement and get people to care about that cause? Why don’t you make a documentary that will get 50 million views in two days?
This is one cause in a sea of worthwhile causes; I acknowledge that. The U.S. has it’s own problems; I’m all too aware of that. But think about this: if this guy was in America would he be able to get away with it? No, he’d be on the government’s hit list so quickly he wouldn’t be able to blink before they had him in handcuffs. So just because the Ugandan and other African governments are corrupt and commit many similar abuses, does that mean we should allow more citizens to be affected? Are their lives worth less than ours? Just some food for thought.
“Awareness is great and everything, but what’s that gonna do in the long run?”
It has the power to prompt people to act. I agree, sitting around posting statuses and “changing your profile picture” (as one blog so pompously phrased it) is not going to affect real change. But you know what you CAN do now that you’re AWARE of the issue? Write to your congressman; write to any of the policymakers on IC’s list; write to any authority figure you think could have some real sway. And btw, President Obama AND most of Congress is already signed onto this. Half the battle is already won.
I haven’t done this and I realize that I’m being hypocritical by sitting here writing this blog post when I could be writing to Congress. But I’ll get on it soon.
This is just some indie, hipster film that’s really about the filmmakers and getting them famous. They’re trying to make westerners feel like they can go in and help out the “downtrodden” Africans.
IC’s approach is what people are criticizing above anything else If IC’s cause had been something they’re deeming “important” now, they’d be saying it was irrelevant and misguided and whatever else, just because IC would approach it similarly. But my thinking is this: you’re still talking about it. You’re hating, but you’re still talking. So who’s really winning, either way? Besides that, WHY are you hating?! Yeah, it’s kinda “hipster.” Yeah, it’s definitely “indie.” And yeah, it might even make those who get involved feel - God forbid - empowered about themselves. None of that matters. This film has managed to do what no other documentary of this kind has been able to do in recent years - it’s reaching people. And it’s reached A LOT of people, and fast.
If anything, you have to admit that a documentary that’s gotten over 50 million views is powerful. Call it propaganda. Maybe. Call it simplified. Fine. Call it misleading. Perhaps. But I’ll go back to my previous point: you’re still calling it something.
Also, if you’re still reading this, read THIS. It’s a blog post written by an indie (oh no, I’ve used that dirty word again) recording artist named Nikki Lynette, responding to all the major criticisms out there. It’s incredibly well written and accurate. She did her research, so I commend her from that viewpoint, especially.
So there’s my rant on KONY 2012. Feel free to hit up my ask box (or just reply to this post) if you agree, disagree, have an interesting source to share, or just wanna comment.
is that, yes, high school is over in 3 months, but no, the rest of high school won’t be easy. I’ve got enough work in my AP english class alone to keep me busy for the next three months, when I’ll really have something like 2 to complete it all in. Tack on 2 more APs, extra curricular activities wrapping up (some just starting, i.e. golf season…dear lord) plus college-related stuff, and I foresee a few more nervous breakdowns before I’m free for Summer 2012.
Deep breaths, focus, prayer, some green tea, and venting sessions with friends. That’s all I need.
some people’s blogs are like shrines… for themselves. All they do is post pictures of themselves, which are undeniably attractive, and then they answer questions about themselves, because they have all these infatuated and/or jealous followers. And every now and then they post some actual content, which usually isn’t much.
I’m just like really? Since when is a blog like a fb wall reincarnated?
And I’m not even gonna lie that I’ve followed some of these shrine-bloggers. But I unfollow them as quickly as I follow them. Seeing their dumbass anon questions and recycled photos on my dash every two minutes gets old quick. I guess I follow them because I’d like to believe that there’s gotta be a reason they have so many followers. They have to be genuinely interesting people, right?
But alas this is not so. The world is a shallow place and tumblr is no exception.
I’ll be a legal adult in about 7 months. I’ll be attending college somewhere in about 6 months. I’ll be graduating from high school in 3 months. I’ll be taking AP exams in about 2 months. I’ll be getting my license in about a month and a half.
I can’t wrap my head around it all properly, but I’m definitely convinced that it’s happening.
Welcome to the real world, Aisha.
such a busy, stressful, rewarding, productive, enlightening, and most of all, fun week.
Senior year is looking way up. And it’s crazy how my outlook changed so drastically in a few days, but I’m glad it did.
And they’re done forever, guys! I never have to take another HS midterm again in my life. And hopefully, depending on the results of these, I’ll never have to take another HS final again, either.
Now, how to spend my time…
- Take a nap.
- Finish these MUN papers. I need to
go hardbe an informed delegate and rep Botswana at this conference like a pro.
- Stop neglecting my other blogs.
- Take a nap. Eat some junk food.
- Maybe start a new blog? I’ve been thinking about it since the beginning of this month. I think it’ll be like a conglomeration of all my current blogs. We’ll see.
- Take a nap. Watch that Pan Am I missed.
- Seriously start the venture that I kinda started awhile ago. I don’t feel like going into detail.
- Read that damn U.S. History Subject Test review book. Lawd, I can’t wait to be done with these subject tests.
- Oh, and take a nap.
Clearly, I’m torn between laziness and productivity. I think I’ll be lazy first.
Soaring: that is what I’m doing right now. I haven’t been in a mood this good since… I can’t even remember, lol.
I GOT ACCEPTED INTO UNC AT CHAPEL HILL! (Haha, I didn’t think a dignified, lower case sentence would properly convey my feelings.)
My heart was hammering as I checked the decision online. I made my mom reread the acceptance message because I honestly couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. UNC is in my top two, tied with Columbia, so I couldn’t be happier.
Alright, now back to stalking the unc tag to find some of my potential classmates. And be prepared for some uplifting, you-can-do-anything kinda reblogs for the rest of the night :]